For much of my life I have struggled with anxiety. It has been noticeably absent this week. While I am experiencing happiness on the heels of my first mom’s visit, I attribute its’ absence to being away from my office. I feel like a different person with much more patience, kindness, love and compassion for my loved ones. Unfortunately, I choose to work long hours and have struggled with boundaries between work and home for quite some time. My family is understanding of my dedication and is more supportive than any three humans should be. My goal is develop better time management for myself. I’d like to quickly reorganize and reprioritize with greater efficiency. The root of my problems are my insecurities. While I am successful, my paranoia about being perfect and doing everything for everyone, interferes with my ability to stay calm.
I will admit that my anxiety is significant enough that I take medications and participate in counseling to manage it. I am NOT ashamed and do not buy in to the stigma that surrounds mental health challenges like anxiety and depression. You will find an ally in me, if you choose to share your own stories with anxiety and insecurities.
I want it to be as simple as telling myself over and over again that I am good enough. This week, I decided that what is missing in that phrase is “I am good enough BECAUSE I am made in His image.” Why I keep this struggle to myself and don’t ask for God’s help and guidance in this, baffles me! I’ve asked him to help heal my cold and bring peace in our lives. I think that my fear of making a change and being someone healthy, scares me somewhat. The other changes I’ve made in my life have worked for me and have benefitted those around me. I need to put this down and STOP picking it back up.
I’ve never been very good at making goals. My strong desire to avoid failure at all costs, makes it difficult for me to risk it by setting goals I may or may not be able to attain. However, lately I keep coming across inspiration messages and writings of others that it pointing me in the direction of making goals. I don’t need a natural disaster to get my attention to make a change, as I have previously in my life. What better time to jump start a new way of doing things after I’ve been away from work for 8 days. I realize that I will likely start out behind. I will likely have coworkers who are upset with me for being gone and putting more of a burden on them. I know that a new workflow was started while I was away that I am responsible for. My small, attainable goals include, praying about being calm and letting anxiety go and showing up on Monday with a good attitude. I will let other goals come to the surface as I get to work and surveil the day and will take challenges as they come instead of inventing them ahead of time in my mind.
I am going to live the life that God intended. I can do ALL things with Him who strengthens me.
I’m reinventing Rebecca…