In my 36 years on this earth, having been adopted as an infant has been a theme in my life. Sometimes it’s invisible as I go through every day life. Other times, it has a lot of my attention. Yesterday, when my first mom was able to wish me Happy Birthday, I was reminded not to take that for granted. There were many years that we had no contact and thus, no birthday wishes. My heart hurts for all of those adoptees out there who are not in reunion, or are in broken reunions and for their mothers on birthdays. The anniversary of when they met and often saw each other for the last time. The first day of my life was my first day of grieving. That experience has shaped my life and every relationship to come since. I get frustrated with many of the things I see posted online and social media during the month of November. Some of the memes are sickly sweet and trite. How can the true ramifications of adoption be captured in an online slide? Adult adoptees who share their truth, and recognize and acknowledge the pain and trauma of adoption are often labeled bitter, even by fellow adoptees. I find myself being extremely careful of what I post online, even in my own blog, about my opinions about adoption so as not to hurt any of my family members’ feelings. I am bitter about some aspects about adoption. I’m bitter that our society puts so much energy into personal fundraising campaigns so people can adopt babies but much fewer financial resources seem to be put towards family preservation. I have not and will not ever donate to a request to cover someone’s adoption fees. However, if there was a fundraiser or request for mother with limited resources so she could keep and parent her baby, I would support that effort 100%.
Even though I am bitter with many aspects of adoption, I am not ungrateful. My parents are amazing people. They have loved me since the day that they first met me. Since then, they have provided for all my needs. They love my husband and my children and travel to come to our home to visit. One of the most selfless things they have done was supporting my reunion with my first mother and welcoming her into our lives. I am pleased that the family that adopted me, wanted me. My grandparents adored me. While they went to heaven too soon, the fond memories I have of them and their love, will ALWAYS be enough to overshadow my biological grandmother’s attitude that cannot accept the scandal my conception and birth created.
I don’t have any interest in debating adoption, it’s pros and cons. In fact, next month, on the anniversary of my adoption day comes around, I’ll be celebrating. This is one of those blogs where I just a few thoughts that needed to get down on “paper”. It’s not profound and pretty uninteresting. 🙂 Somedays are like that. Here I am, keeping it real and as always, reinventing Rebecca.