Over the past weeks, I’ve put the past behind me for the first time in my entire life. From the time I was small, I dwelled on my somewhat tragic beginning of being separated at birth from my first mom by adoption. I felt like a constant identity crisis until I was almost 20 years old. I had failed romantic relationships and my first baby at 20. Many other things happened along the way and I got really good at being a victim, blaming my past for my present and other whiny and worrying behaviors. I was really, really good at reminiscing and ruminating. Those ugly things I held on to, made me miserable and ugly. Now that I’ve learned the Heart Math tools, I’ve finally unwound for the first time in my life. I am positive and I am gratitude.
Until I stopped doing it, I never realized that I compared my present to the benchmark of the past. The current was either better or worse depending on which year or event I was comparing it to. This realization really smacked me in the face as I embraced this holiday season and began to make it what I wanted it to be. Joy, joy, joy! Initially after Thanksgiving, I was appreciating this year because our family was healthy and whole, compared to last year. By comparing, however, I had to bring up the memories, hurtful ones, of where we were last year at this time. Slowly, I realized that I could enjoy this year, simply for what it is, for what I was making it to be. It is FABULOUS that we can be together, sing songs, bake, enjoy a Christmas concert and be silly with the Elf on the Shelf, because it is. I am truly living to be in this moment, regardless of where or what it is, without wanting it to be something else. I haven’t banished the past and we can talk about things we’ve done before but the new focus is on NOW. Now is the greatest life has ever been. I am so excited to be modeling this behavior for my children. It’s awesome that they will learn valuable lessons at a much younger age than I did.
I feel free in a way I can’t quite describe. The past has packed up and is safely away somewhere, not ruling the present with it’s toxic waste. The lessons I have learned will move forward and I will make every effort not to repeat those mistakes. I encourage you spend your life in the moments you have now and the ones that are ahead of you. The past has nothing new to say and you don’t owe it anything at all.
Love and hugs, Rebecca