My peace I give you

For various reasons, I have disordered sleep and very rarely remember any of my dreams. When I do, there is a clear message for me when I wake up. I don’t have to inquire of anyone for dream interpretation, I get their meaning. Like last night’s dream…

A little while ago, I wrote a post about a painful experience that happened in high school. The memories were triggered with a vengeance when I saw that the other person involved had passed away. As the wounded often do, I was only able to think about the wrong that had been done, not the many, many more students that had been impacted positively. I saw a heartfelt tribute on a friend’s FB page whom I’ve only in the past week been FB friends with. It really got my attention. I’m glad that the 36 year old woman I really am, read that post, and not the cynical 17 year old who harbored negative feelings. It felt like a gift to me. A gift of clarity and a different perspective. I crave perspective. This morning, I hid the post about what happened in high school. It’s over but was a huge part of the path I was meant to walk down in my life.

Last night, I dreamt about a memorial service for the deceased. While there I saw the FB friend, J, who posted about the positive changes made in his life due to her influence. I saw the friend, N, who reached out to me yesterday evening out of the blue with the sweetest message when I was having a pity party for one, at the end of the long work day. I saw another friend, E, who has lost a child and yet isn’t bitter and showers everyone with love. I felt a little sad that I live so far away from these people in real life but overjoyed that they were right there in front of me. The service was held near a pool, and everyone had the choice to dunk themselves as a sort of baptism. When the dream started, I was in the pool. As I walked out of the water, I felt new and clean and all past hurts were gone and I felt peace. It wasn’t a fluke of my subconscious, it was a real reminder from God of how life works with his Love and Peace.

I woke up remembering the dream and feeling peaceful. We’ve all heard the cliche’ about feeling like a weight has been lifted. This is different. It feels like a dark, decaying part of me is gone. One of my favorite sayings is “When the past calls, don’t answer. It has nothing new to say.” In this situation, it prompted me to take a closer look at myself and find healing that was a long time coming.

Life is ever changing and I grow daily. I’m so grateful for this opportunity to put this burden down. No doubt there are other grudges I can let go of.

Thank you for being you. May you find love and light and laughter in your life. Love and hugs, Rebecca

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