Category Archives: Firstmom

Adoption awareness in November.

In my 36 years on this earth, having been adopted as an infant has been a theme in my life. Sometimes it’s invisible as I go through every day life. Other times, it has a lot of my attention. Yesterday, when my first mom was able to wish me Happy Birthday, I was reminded not to take that for granted. There were many years that we had no contact and thus, no birthday wishes. My heart hurts for all of those adoptees out there who are not in reunion, or are in broken reunions and for their mothers on birthdays. The anniversary of when they met and often saw each other for the last time. The first day of my life was my first day of grieving. That experience has shaped my life and every relationship to come since. I get frustrated with many of the things I see posted online and social media during the month of November. Some of the memes are sickly sweet and trite. How can the true ramifications of adoption be captured in an online slide? Adult adoptees who share their truth, and recognize and acknowledge the pain and trauma of adoption are often labeled bitter, even by fellow adoptees. I find myself being extremely careful of what I post online, even in my own blog, about my opinions about adoption so as not to hurt any of my family members’ feelings. I am bitter about some aspects about adoption. I’m bitter that our society puts so much energy into personal fundraising campaigns so people can adopt babies but much fewer financial resources seem to be put towards family preservation. I have not and will not ever donate to a request to cover someone’s adoption fees. However, if there was a fundraiser or request for mother with limited resources so she could keep and parent her baby, I would support that effort 100%.

Even though I am bitter with many aspects of adoption, I am not ungrateful. My parents are amazing people. They have loved me since the day that they first met me. Since then, they have provided for all my needs. They love my husband and my children and travel to come to our home to visit. One of the most selfless things they have done was supporting my reunion with my first mother and welcoming her into our lives. I am pleased that the family that adopted me, wanted me. My grandparents adored me. While they went to heaven too soon, the fond memories I have of them and their love, will ALWAYS be enough to overshadow my biological grandmother’s attitude that cannot accept the scandal my conception and birth created.

I don’t have any interest in debating adoption, it’s pros and cons. In fact, next month, on the anniversary of my adoption day comes around, I’ll be celebrating. This is one of those blogs where I just a few thoughts that needed to get down on “paper”. It’s not profound and pretty uninteresting. 🙂 Somedays are like that. Here I am, keeping it real and as always, reinventing Rebecca.

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A post by my first mom, Caroline “Leaving on a jet plane and making some memories!”

This is a great post by my first mom, Caroline, right before she came to visit us.

Leaving on a jet plane and making some memories!.


The sunrise after my dream came true…

Yesterday morning, as I drove home from the airport after dropping my first mom, Caroline, off at the airport, I felt overjoyed as the sun rose. Only an hour before, we had both been under the same sky and admired the same stars, here in Central Oregon where I live. I wasn’t overjoyed for her to leave, quite the contrary, but I could be content with her leave taking, since she made my dream come true with her visit. For many, many years, I’ve wanted her to come to Central Oregon and see where we live and the town we spend most of our time in. Having been several times to visit where she lives, I know first-hand, the depth and breath that can be added to a long distance relationship by being able to picture what things look like. Now my mom can picture what we see as we go about our day. Being able to visualize where the stop at the grocery store is, what the schools look like, how far it is to church, what it means when I say, “My phone might drop, I’m driving around Lava Butte,”I hope, will open up the reality of our lives for her.

Bonding time!

Preston and Logan make a Nanny Caroline sandwich in the backseat of the truck.

This trip of hers has been a long time coming.  I’ve prayed over and over that she could come. That she could bond with the boys and get to know them better without them having to share her with lots of other family members on a trip there. To be among them in their midst riding in the car, watching a movie, playing cards, hiking or sharing a picnic lunch surrounded by greedy little Golden Mantle Ground Squirrels. Instead of loving the idea of them, she knows them better now and can build on this in-person relationship boost, with FaceTime and email and phone calls. 

 

I didn’t do a good job of saying “Thank you” to her or my dad, for the financial expense it meant for her to come. For the disruption to their routine or for the emotional or physical strain it may have put on my mom to travel. I am more grateful that any words I can ever write or say. Hopefully, the connection that she now shares with her grandsons made it all worth it.  The incredible blessing for the boys, and their Nanny Caroline, is that they now have a bond and relationship that exists beyond me being a go-between. 

I have such a sense of peace that I received the moment I saw her at the airport on the other side of the revolving glass door, waving, wear a turquoise shirt and carrying her purse. It is another life milestone for me. One I do not take for granted. The afterglow of her visit is MORE than I ever dreamed for. I had no idea it could have this much meaning and be so magical. 

Seventeen years after our first meeting, every time we reunite in person and throw our arms around each other, it’s better than the time before. 


Looking forward to what comes next…

Family, reunited and reinvented.

“Rebecca, Caroline, Preston and Logan enjoying the sun next to the Deschutes River in Bend.”

This is such a surreal experience. It’s the end of summer, Labor Day, September 1st 2014, and behind me on the hammack are my older son, Preston and my first mom, Caroline. Logan, my younger son is across the driveway from me, playing on the tire swing hanging from one the of the tall Ponderosa pine trees in our front yard. It is the first time that she has been to stay in my home and only her second visit to Oregon, in the 17 years since we have met. When she came that first time, for our first reunion, she stayed in a hotel and I, at 18 years old, was still living at home with my parents. Today, the sun is shining and it’s 78 degrees. Comfortable in the shade. A stark constrast to what she experiences in Southern Lousiana, where she lives. Despite the fact that it’s been 4 years since she has seen my husband, AJ and my children and 3 years since we’ve been together, the visit has been comfortable and has felt very natural. We’ve picked right up where we left off. In the years since our initial reunion, the best way to preserve and improve our long distance relationship, is to make every moment count and set aside the thoughts of what has been missed and what we don’t have. The things we’ve missed have been many. Birthdays, a wedding, births, baptisms, illnesses, death, heartbreak and happiness all make the list. However, together we have experienced a wedding, illness, heartbreak, happiness, spiritual growth, emotional growth, back-to-school shopping, meals, a football game, the Oregon coast, cooking out, church services, singing praise music, preparing meals together, body surfing in the Gulf, playing tourist in New Orleans, karaoke, bubbles on the driveway, bathtime, Twister, card games, laundry, photography, hiking to waterfalls, browsing for books, Open House at school, laughter, tears, despair, hope and most of all, love. Although I am sad that my mom will be leaving tomorrow, leaving my two boys with bruised hearts, I pray that they, like me, will learn the lesson and value of living for every moment, embracing the memories and looking forward to what comes next. 🙂

Precious moments

Preston pushing Nanny Caroline on the tire swing