Category Archives: Uncategorized

Ask the Question, Are you Okay?

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, for a few more hours, on the West Coast. This evening was the kick-off for the Ask The Question Project in Clackamas County. I was asked if I would be available to be interviews by the local news. I said, “Yes.” Now that I am not as depressed, or anxious, I feel that I am called to share my story as a Suicide survivor. I want to offer others, who are in a dark place, to find hope.

Ask the Question Project KATU, Portland, Oregon

Hope for the journey

The following is an excerpt from an email I sent to my Mom, Sharon, today about my perspective and experiences. The site that shares part of my personal story as a suicide attempt survivor went live yesterday.

“God gives us each a different journey but with the same promise, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future.” Jer 29:11   

If everyone had the same feelings and experiences, there would be fewer examples of how awesome God is. No two journeys, or voices, are the same. Now that I’m here on the “other side” of major depression and anxiety, I don’t have negative feelings about anything that I have lived thru. I lived (after years and years of wrestling with myself), there isn’t anything but positive things that will come from that. For the first time, I can see a future not being held back by the past. I am learning more and more about myself and how my empathy helps, and harms, me. I am a work in progress and need to continue to work on boundaries. “Let it go” is an important tool that I haven’t used like I should.”

Here is the edited interview that I did for the project. This is the link to my interview, with my dedicated hero and husband, AJ, Rebecca’s Interview . Ask the Question project shares first-hand accounts from suicide attempt survivors and their support system in hope that others who are struggling will identify with participants and seek help. The project’s site has resources for suicidal people and their friends and family at Ask the Question Support

All of my parents, my first mom (identified as birth mom in the video for greater understanding for those outside the adoption triad), birth dad and my Mom and Dad who raised me, have made this blessed life of mine possible through their own sacrifices. Words cannot express my gratitude.

Please share or ask questions or leave comments, if you so choose.

Wishing you grace and peace, Rebecca

Announcing a Guest Blogger!

Our family is wrapping up the summer with an epic scenery and wildlife adventure! Next week, I’ll have my 13 year old son, Logan, as a guest blogger. Together, we will cover nearly 2,500 miles in 7 days. While he is typically a writer of poetry, Logan has a great voice when it comes to stories. This talent has been passed down from his grandma, Caroline. He and I haven’t co-written before, and I am looking forward to trying it out.

Stay tuned for scenery, wildlife and long- car trip stories. I know you’ll read about Bingo and the geography game and more funny antics.

Join us on Monday, August 27th, to read about the 550+ mile drive from Oregon City, Oregon to Missoula, Montana.

Have a great weekend and we’ll catch you next week!

April 2018.

Hello and welcome to my blog. It’s been left to collect dust for quite awhile. I’m not sure that it suits me now. That it’s the right place to share where I’m going. I can’t decide which blanks I want to fill in, which blog posts to retire. My motivation of sharing what I’ve lived, and what I’ve learned, isn’t one of self-importance. I want the struggles I had/have in the dark, and my desire to keep the balance to no less than 51% light, to benefit others. I’d like to be someone that others who are hurting and need hope, can identify with. At this time, my purpose seems to be doing what I can to end the stigma about mental illness and continue to call attention to suicide and prevention methods.

The last year has been the hardest and best year of my life. I have gotten to know and understand myself in a way I never thought possible. It was ugly, painful, beautiful and perfect. Some days I lived minute to minute, never looking further than that into the future. Now, I can see further. I lived and I want to inspire others to do the same.

Should You Wear a Safety Pin – Say Something Sunday

Love this blog about safety pin wearing for support and solidarity.

Dances With Fat

People in the US are borrowing a response to Brexit.  It’s the small act of wearing a safety pin to show that we are in solidarity with marginalized groups.  This is in response to the US having a president-elect who ran on a platform of blatant racism, xenophobia, Islamophobia, misogyny, anti-Queer anti-Trans sentiment, and anti-Semitism, whose election was supported, endorsed, and celebrated by the KKK, and who has appointed a white supremacist and a boatload of viciously anti-queer and trans people to his transition team,

As word of this project has been getting around, there have been arguments against it, and a few hundred of you have asked me what I think.  I thought I would discuss the major arguments that I’ve seen and then give my thoughts:

The first argument I’ve seen is the idea that you shouldn’t wear the pin unless you have a plan to intervene in any…

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My adored dog, Titan, went back to heaven where he came from.

In my reality, dogs are furry family members from God. They are listeners, protectors, comedic relief, therapy animals and companions of unwavering love. Over 8 years ago, we were reading in our local advertising paper and found something out of the ordinary. Typically you can find garage sales, tools for sale, real estate, that sort of thing. On this day however, there was an add for a 1 1/2 year old yellow lab mix who need a new home. The people said when they let him into their house, a single-wide manufactured home, he would go crazy. We drove right over to see him. When we got there he was in a small wire fenced pen. As soon as he saw us, he started jumping off the ground like a pogo stick. He cleared at least 4 feet. We learned that he was a yellow lab/golden retriever mix and had belonged to the people’s son. He needed us. His belly was full of pitch from being outside and they didn’t let him in the house often and it gets cold at night in LaPine. We said that we’ve love to take him home. One of us told him, “C’mon, load up!”, and he got in the truck right away. I’m not sure after that moment that he tail ever stopped wagging. He and our other dog, Sydney, hit it off and became good friends. They roamed the back-yard together chasing birds and squirrels. Barking would signify that a walker or bicyclist was on the trail in the state park. While the chickens would wander the yard, he’d be right there to eat the poop. YUCK! He was a faster and often could clear the area. Lol. He fit right in with the rest of the gassy family. His bark could scare away a intruder but he was the sweetest dog. He just wanted to love and lick and kiss you. I wish I could say he was a smart dog, that would be a lie. However, he knew when I was cutting up an apple and was always there for his piece. The popcorn maker was his favorite entertainment and always found a way to snag a few kernels. He was always looking for a sneaky way to get a swim in the pond or the kiddie pool.

Right now, in my mind’s eye, I can see his last days, his x-ray, hear his breathing and see his sad, sick face. I have some comfort knowing that as soon as we were aware of his cancer, that we made the right decision to ease his suffering. In time, I won’t keep seeing my two precious children next to the lifeless body of our beloved family member. For now, my heart is bruised and I am said.

I am so grateful to everyone who has reached out to us during this unexpected and difficult time. Don’t take anyone or anything for granted. Love them while you have them. God’s peace, Rebecca

Titan "hugging" AJ

Titan “hugging” AJ

No sad tears, today, thank you.

First of all, thank you to everyone that was brave enough to get into my bleakness yesterday. Today is better than yesterday and I am grateful. This morning, I woke up to Logan and him loving me. He helped set the positive tone for the day. I made some choices about boundaries and what I was willing to put up with at work and what I could avoid. This was not a fool-proof plan but protected me from the majority of my frustration. I recognize that I am stuck in a rut of anger at this person, and need to work past it. Will discuss with my therapist tomorrow. There is finally a turning point toward the better with the house disaster. Praise God. Yesterday, I had a hard time with “hold on, it gets better.” Today, I am reminded to have perspective about my life. I have love, trust, faith and freedom. I can be me without persecution. My children are safe and well. I could go on and on, now that I’ve shifted out of the black. I was so moved by the people that reached out to me. The offer to mind my burden so I could sleep…well, that still makes me cry tears of joy at belonging. (Hard to explain.)

I am reminded that sometimes instead of fighting and holding on to the bleak and black, I need to see it and name it and move on. I crawled into the pit and wallowed there this time. I am human and make unhealthy choices sometimes. Thank you for reserving judgement and for standing with me, rather than telling me what to do.

All in all, the pain of yesterday, is worth the hope of today. To be reminded that people care, is a huge blessing. I’m going to focus on that and move on towards the Light. Jesus loves you. He loves me too.